Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
