When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Two words: blizzard sex
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
