Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
