i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
