we're chasing vodka with high fives
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
