i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
