My cat gives me a boner
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
