I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
