i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
