Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
