a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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