Dude my mom stole all your condoms
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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