I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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