If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
