OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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