I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
