just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
