ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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