ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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