I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize