i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
