You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
