they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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