i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
