I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
