He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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