you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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