Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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