Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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