New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
