she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
