Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
