ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so that wasnt chicken after all
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
