you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
