I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
