At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
