Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
