If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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