Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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