I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
