Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
