so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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