Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
