i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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