She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
