i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
