yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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