I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
