It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
