I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
