3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
