his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
