dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
