ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
