dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize