i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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