He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
