i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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