I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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