I think I won the penis lottery.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
