You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
