There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
