you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
