she was so not down for the gang bang
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
