Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
