I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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